004 - Bloom Where You're Planted.
I can remember my mother telling me that her mother used to tell her to "bloom where you're planted." I have a vague recollection that this is based in a Christian ethic, to spread the good word to those around you, but I choose to take it now as a reminder to do good where you are. Be nice where you are. Be helpful where you are. You might not be in the place you want to be, but you can be useful while you're there.
In a weird way, I really took this to heart in group therapy. I've always been the mom friend, but group gave me a chance to be equally vulnerable while still feeling like I was helping others. I can easily be passive aggressive, rude, snarky. But I remind myself to contribute positive energy instead of letting my inner nastiness rule. In group, I wanted desperately to relate to the strong women surrounding me. I wanted to help them heal just as badly as I wanted myself to heal. We were all in a blue place. But I wanted to bloom, to shine, to add some beauty and positivity.
I'm not happy with where I'm at right now. I'm disappointed in myself. I thought I'd be a better version of myself by now. I'm trying to remember that I'm doing my best and that my best is not always as good as anyone else's best, but it's always the very best I can do. I feel like I've been planted in a place I never expected. I thought I'd be far away from here - by the sea, in a meadow, maybe in the middle of a bustling city. But I'm in the burbs, alone, in a shady spot surrounded by concrete.
I'm just trying to do what my Nana would want me to do. I'm trying to bloom where I'm planted.
(Thanks to Rosey Blair for the photos and the Samuel Lynne Gallery for the space.)